Dementia: Journal Entry 7

So many changes, things going on where does one start. The picture above is exactly how I feel some days. Just when I think things have settled down, something happens. Did I mention I hate this disease?

Pain front, we found out that his med’s husband was taking for the dementia was causing his pain. My husband had every side effect severely, hence why is now off his med’s till we see the doctor next week. So, all those tests, didn’t need them, well the colonoscopy that should have been a while ago, so I guess that is okay.

Doctor’s appoints are crazy here in this house. Between husband, two kids and myself, yea it’s bad. But when the husband starts his threats a day before the doctor appointments I want to once more just cancel everything. Tomorrow is the psych doctor he has to see now and husband does not like it one bit. “You say one thing wrong I walk out,” will be thrown out all day until the appointment tomorrow.

 

On the good news, husband now has more energy and is doing more now that the pain isn’t there. Last weekend, husband spent the whole weekend outside working in the yard and cleaning the cars. It was amazing to see. I guess we live for these days when things go good and I’ll take them.

“I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” Charles M. Schulz

Monday’s Journal Part 6

What is time when a family is dealing with dementia? It either slows down or speed’s up so fast you don’t know which end is up. This last month has been one of those month’s. Where everything has flown by.

My older children hiding in their room, afraid of their father who is having a melt down, while I’m at work. Them texting me keeping updated, knowing I can’t leave work to come home. Doctor’s who don’t know why the hell my husband is in so much pain, tests and more tests.

This last week I celebrated my 55 birthday and the only thing I wished for was a night of quiet. Where I didn’t have to worry about what’s he doing now, where are my kids, how are we going to get by this next month? But as always life isn’t going to go away.

Along with the melt down, our family is also now dealing with death. A family member, son’s friend, and my high school friend. So, I apologize for not posting sooner, but this month was overwhelming to say the least.

As I sit here waiting to head to a funeral. I realize the last two days have been quiet. Husband hasn’t been in pain and is having some good days. I take deep breaths and enjoy these days. Even the children recognize when it’s good to enjoy it. Has anyone seen that new Alzheimer’s add? I swear it’s my new life.

Seeing the stress taking it’s toll on me, the doctor and I have started to work on getting me back to a healthy status. The diet is back and a little help with the depression. I will get through this and be strong, I have no choice.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. Carol Burnett

Monday’s Journey Part 5: Reaching Out

This last week I joined two Facebook groups that are support groups for Dementia. What an eye opener already. I so see myself is so many of the posts, but I also see posts that let me know what I have coming my way, scary. But I do believe in the long road these groups will help.

 

On the home front, husband is starting to get a little aggravated, being sick all the time. In March he’ll be getting a colonoscopy and the scope down the throat also. His stomach is not up to part, hurting him.

We also have our first incident with the bladder, pain holding anything also. Is it part of the disease or is it something else? If it is part of the disease it’s moving faster then I thought it would.

Family support? What is that? From his family I knew they wouldn’t help, but their attitude total blew me away. One brother ignoring husband, other brother calling him stupid treating husband like a shit, and of course the mom thinking he’s useless and telling him this to his face. But he still goes once a week to make sure to visit her, even though she throws her words at him. I know eventually the visits will stop soon, but until then I stand beside him.

Driving has come up as an issue. Tags are going to need to be bought and his license expires this month. Do I tell him to just let it all go since we are getting so close to him not being able to drive? I have one month to decide what we are doing, to watch how he is doing personally before I tell him.

As another week goes by I realized that I am now starting to think of what I will do when he is gone. Do I even want to stay here in this town? So many questions and things I need to start doing. But, one day at a time just adding things to my lists. Enjoy your day you never know what the next will bring you.

Monday’s Journey: Part 4, Wild Ride

I have skipped two posts and this was due to so many up and downs in my life. Even with a illness of Dementia life still goes on around me. Two weekends in a row sitting in ER. First my son, two seizures and broken back. (He’s fine now)

This past weekend, husband in ER blood work had doctor worried, but thank god it was nothing and we were out of the hospital in four hours. But that is not all, stomach virus his our house on top of all this. So, yes, I didn’t even open the laptop the one weekend.

I’m hoping the roller coaster ride is slowing down this person needs a break. But on the Dementia update I’m seeing everyday life things he’s forgetting how to do now. Trash bags give him a very hard time opening.

I asked husband to open a can for me He didn’t know how to operate the can opener.

Another thing I noticed, he’s repeating a little more, afraid of appearing stupid, but then again it doesn’t help to have a family that keep telling him he’s stupid.

If it was thing I would do if it didn’t hurt him is keep him from visiting his family. Again and again, they have treated my husband like dirt and I can’t stand it, but it would only hurt him if I did say anything.

On good news, disability has been approved and he is less worried now a little about money and so am I. He is also keeping busy working on his slot car track, which I believe is helping him concentrate.

Sleep is rough when him, so I’ve given up the bed allowing him to move around in the bed without having to worry about me in it. Soon, when things settle a little I’ll be searching for resources to help us when things get worse. I know one thing I have to worry about is our bathroom.

We have a claw foot tub and when things get worse there will be no way for me to get him into the this kind of a tub and I see him falling face first.

Research is my friend now…

 

The stars are never ending and one day you, my warrior will be riding them, free of pain, confusion and hurt.

Monday’s Journey: Part 3 Every Day Life

This week’s journey deals with every day’ life. As with all children mine are not perfect but they are normal. 🙂 Running to the store for me while I was at work son got into a bender fender. Nothing major, truck has a bump on it’s bumper. Son is paying his ticket, it’s not a drinking and driving nothing like that.

BUT, how does this effect a patient with Dementia? It throws his world into a something he can’t handle. Frustration, anger, slammed  doors, not eating and not sleeping is what we are dealing with this week, not to mention walking on egg shells hoping not to set the man off.

Let’s not forget the son, who is also shutting down, seeing his father sending all this frustration and anger at him when all he did was help his mom. Two strong men, one sick the other hurt, where mom stands between them trying to calm them both.

The house is quiet this morning, laundry has been started, cat boxes cleaned, kitchen cleaned, and I now sit down to drink my coffee, writing my post my stomach in knots. Will he wake in a good mood? Will he go off if son takes the truck again to go to work this afternoon? Is he going to be okay while I’m at work tonight?

So, when you think of events that life throw at you every day, just imagine a dementia person trying to cope with these events when part of his memory processing is leaving him.  Treasure those you have around you, because at anytime they can be gone. Have a wonderful day and remember to breathe, take a minute to step outside and just take in all that is good around you sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps you going.

Monday’s Journey: Part 2

This week was a tough one. My husband had one of, what I call episodes. What are episodes? Let me explain this one. I came home from work, but before this I had texted and asked daughter if husband wanted anything from MC a fast food place.

Daughter texts back, ‘Dad isn’t making any sense, one minute he wants this and then he says this. It’s like he’s answering three times.

So, I get all three things and I come home to see husband on the couch laying down nothing out of the normal there. But when I tell him I got his food, he just rolls over and gives me a look that I have seen and don’t like. He’s lost, does not answer, waves his hand and rolls over again.

I wait putting the food down next on the table, go grab something from the kitchen to come back in and see him trying to open the straw. Five minutes he didn’t say anything while looking at the stray and finally figuring out how to open it. You could see my husband coming back to us.

My husband has had three episodes including the one this week. Each time he has had one I notice something has progressed in this awful disease.

 

How far back has this episode set my husband away from us? So far, I have noticed any big changes. I know he is pulling away from his family, but that is normal since his side of the family have always been very negative around him, calling him names and such.

He now knows too that I don’t want him driving anywhere unless its close and I know where he is. Anywhere else he takes the son and he drives. Soon the driving will be a no and he knows this now. He starts his truck to keep it running in the drive but goes nowhere. TV and his project in the basement is keeping him occupied for now.

I have decided this is the waiting game disease. It tests your patience, your own sanity and your heart. But all we can do is take one day at a time.

Monday’s Journey

Sometime in August 2017 we received the news that changed our world, Dementia. Oh, I knew something had been wrong, the signs were there, having trouble at work, forgetting what he was doing, repeating everything he said. But to actually see the physical signs start to take affect on my husband was a little bit scary and sad.

For over twenty years my husband had supported our family, sure we had our trials up and down over the years, but this diagnosis is a new reality for us all. So, I decided to make Monday’s my day’s to post my journey through this disease. If it helps others out there then great, since I know there are hundreds, thousands going through the same things I am.

We wait for the next step of the disease to start. Will it start when I’m home to help him? Or will it happen when I’m working one of the two jobs I’m holding down? Yes, I count my writing as a job, because I hope one day this will be my full time job, support me, us.

My thoughts are everywhere as his disappear from his grasp. When do we take the car keys away? How much do I ask the children to help? Do I want them to really handle seeing their father so confused?

(No, it’s not my husband, but the picture is so close to the heart.)  I see my husband sitting on the couch, just staring. He does not hear me calling him, there is a blankness in his gaze. Where has he gone? Where is the strong warrior I first saw?

Then theirs THE FAMILY. You know the ones. The ones that don’t care, that only want what is good for them. Who cares that their brother, son is going to pass from this illness as long as they get what they want from him. Why? To this day I still can phantom such people. So, I pull up my big girl panties and act as the shield. Protecting him as much as I can. Making sure his last days are the best I can.

This Monday is all about taking one day at a time and making it the best I know for him. If it means so much for him to be with his family still, even though they are worthless jerks so be it. But they make one wrong move, he gets lost or hurt it will be their last time with him unless supervised. Cross the path of a woman who is protecting her children, because right now the man that was her warrior is now her child on some days and believe me this woman will protect him.

His memory might be leaving him, but mine will be here, guiding him. Where there is darkness I will be his light, let anyone try and darken his path, because I will burn bright all the way through this, sharing my memories.

Until next Monday, may your journey be strong and with bright light.

Share the Love

*•. (★*•.¸★¸.•*´★).•* A Halloween to Remember*•. (★*•.¸★¸.•*´★).•* New Release

In A Halloween to Remember, Book Nine in #1 best-selling Amazon Romance writer Trinity Blacio’s futuristic Running in Fear series, Halloween was supposed to be about monsters, treats and fun, but Shelly Glassgo has had enough of monsters to last her a lifetime. You would think that the threat of war around the corner would bring people together, but that was not the case. How could a big cat love a small wolf?

Bo was tired, with the move, settling his people—and the new ones that were joining their den—it had all kept him to busy. He didn’t see his Little Wolf’s need and for that he would never forgive himself. But Bo was bound and determined to make sure her Halloween was filled with treats—three big ones—Argo, Buck and White Eagle.

All Hallows’ Eve came early for them: their marriage and mating would be one to remember, but it would seem the monsters have been awakened and were getting ready for the attack.

Links:
Amazon: http://mybook.to/AHalloweento

Googleplay: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Trinity_Blacio_A_Halloween_to_Remember?id=ppg4DwAAQBAJ

Riverdale Avenue Books: http://riverdaleavebooks.com/books/5353/a-halloween-to-remember-book-nine-of-the-running-in-fear-series
Bookstrand: http://www.bookstrand.com/a-halloween-to-remember-book-nine-of-the-running-in-fear-series
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/751990

With my new releases I’ve decided to do something new. Every new release I will give away a print copy of one of my favorite authors. So, let’s start this!

Ann Mayburn

Website: http://www.annmayburn.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ann.mayburn.5

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AnnMayburn

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4827747.Ann_Mayburn

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Ann-Mayburn/e/B0052A6HZK

Pinterest: https://www.amazon.com/Ann-Mayburn/e/B0052A6HZK

 

 

Hannah All my life, I’ve only wanted one thing: someone to love me and someone who will let me love them in return. This seems like a simple request, but I was born to parents who wished I had died of childhood leukemia, instead of my younger sister, and who have ignored me no matter how much I’ve tried to please them. I’m starved for affection, addicted to the feeling when someone cares about me, which has led to a love life filled with either boys I’ve scared off, or men all too eager to take advantage of me. I thought I would never find a man who could feed my craving for constant attention—and then I met Leo. He fills the void inside of me, haunts my dreams, and does things to me in bed that are so good, they’re probably illegal. I can only pray I don’t scare him off once he figures out just how needy I really am. Leo There are very few people in this world I’ve ever been able to form an emotional attachment to, but the moment I saw Hannah, I knew she was mine. We were bound together by fate, our paths crossing first as children, then as adults, each time marking me. She doesn’t know it but I’ve been watching her for a year now, studying her, stacking the deck so when I do make my move, there’s no way she’ll ever escape me. But my world is a harsh, cruel place, and the cartel I work for demands absolute loyalty and trust…a loyalty Hannah has yet to earn in the dangerous eyes of my employers. There is only one way to ensure Hannah’s absolute devotion, and I hope that she doesn’t hate me forever when she finds out that not only have I brainwashed her into loving me, but that I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about doing it. She’s mine, only mine, and I’m keeping her forever.

Directions: For a chance to win the print book of Obsession all I ask is you share the link of my blog post. Post, Share The Love in the comments…I will pick a winner next week, on Friday, Good luck and please check out Ann Mayburn. She is an amazing author, one that I will buy all her books in print, when I can.

Magic, New Mexico

I’m so excited to be a part of Susan Smith’s new world.

 

Nava Torres’ life was one of turmoil and danger. Considered a freak of nature by her peers and hunted by the government, she never expected to find a place where she could feel safe—until she heard about a town called Magic. For the first time since her parents’ deaths, she felt awe, hope, and something even stranger—attraction to a man who could heat her blood with one look!
Special Ops Marine, Saxon Wehurst, had sworn off women—at least until he met a fiery redhead with black streaks that made him want to run his hands through the colorful tresses. There was nothing in the world that could fire up his protective instincts faster than a woman with trouble nipping at her heels and fire in her hair.
When outside forces threaten Nava and the town, Saxon and his men are more than ready to gear up to protect them both. For Saxon, it is personal—nothing stands between a Bull Dog and his mate—not even the government. Will Saxon and his men be able to protect the woman he loves and save the town, or will she be taken from him forever? Whatever happens, it is time to feel the burn…

 

Don’t Just Talk Like A Pirate! Be A Pirate and Find the Magic, New Mexico Treasure! Arrrgh!
S.E. Smith’s Magic, New Mexico Kindle World #3 has released on September 19th which is also “Talk Like a Pirate Day!” Visit each author in the Magic New Mexico Kindle World #3 to find your next clue to the grand prize. Click here  for all the details on how to play. Good luck everyone! Arrrgh!

Here are each author’s page links for your information:
Aidy Award – A Touch of Fate
http://aidyaward.com/fated-for-curves/
CJ Cade – Reaching Reva
http://www.cjcade.com/…/reaching-reva-a-magic-nm-kindle-wo…/
DB Sieders – Silver Unleashed
https://dbsieders.wordpress.com/silver-unleashed-and-silve…/
Donna McDonald – Timeless Topper
http://donnamcdonaldauthor.com/my-crazy-alien-romance/
Evelyn Lederman – A Touch of Harmony
http://www.evelynlederman.com/a-touch-of-harmony/
Immortal Angel & Lisa Hailes – A Touch of Death
http://immortal-angel.com/a-touch-of-death/
Jason Crutchfield – Miss Fortune
https://authorjasonlee.com/miss-fortune/
Jessica Aspen – Touch of Beauty
http://jessicaaspen.com/magicbooks/
Jody Wallace – Silver Bound
http://jodywallace.com/books/silver-bound/
Lea Kirk – Made for Her
http://www.leakirk.com/made-for-her.html
Lexi Thorne – Touch of Winter
http://purplepress.org/magic-new-mexico-giveaway-game/
M.L. Guida – Touch of Madness
http://www.mlguida.com/ml-guidas-magic-new-mexico-kindle-w…/
Sabine Priestley – Tainted Magic
http://wp.me/P77t2k-gr
Tianna Xander – Seducing Sela
http://Www.tiannaxander.com/seducing-sela-2/

Also, as part of the booty, I’m offering a small, surprise box from me with many goodies in it. All you have to do is like my Amazon page and comment Arrgh!

Amazon Author Page

New Doors, Closed Doors

Every day a new door opens, is it what you want? You will never know unless you walk through that door. With me there are many doors opening and closing. Outer worlds, fantasies, and dreams coming true in my stories, each a little part of my soul to share with you the reader.

What do I have open this week????

Door 1. Loving Phoenix, is in edits and I can’t wait to share with you my part of Susan Smith’s world.

 

Nava Torres’ life was one of turmoil and danger. Considered a freak of nature by her peers and hunted by the government, she never expected to find a place where she could feel safe—until she heard about a town called Magic. For the first time since her parents’ deaths, she felt awe, hope, and something even stranger—attraction to a man who could heat her blood with one look!
Special Ops Marine, Saxon Wehurst, had sworn off women—at least until he met a fiery redhead with black streaks that made him want to run his hands through the colorful tresses. There was nothing in the world that could fire up his protective instincts faster than a woman with trouble nipping at her heels and fire in her hair.
When outside forces threaten Nava and the town, Saxon and his men are more than ready to gear up to protect them both. For Saxon, it is personal—nothing stands between a Bull Dog and his mate—not even the government. Will Saxon and his men be able to protect the woman he loves and save the town, or will she be taken from him forever? Whatever happens, it is time to feel the burn…

Door 2. Finding Hope

Book 10 in my Running in Fear series.

Yep, Hope is a bear shifter and she is defending her cubs, but can she also help save Earth and their new world?

Remember pre-quell is free:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

 

Door 3. Grandma’s Need Loving Too: Book 3

Sea Dog’s Treasure

The call of the sea…
Kati Church felt the unexpected pull of the sea after her husband’s death. With her kids grown and busy with their own lives, she embarks on a new adventure aboard her sailboat, The Lula Mae. She never realizes just how much her life is about to change.
Draper Casimir prefers the blue sea to land. At over three hundred years old, Sea Dog as his crew calls him, would risk the impossible to find his blood mate, a woman as strong as the sea. When Sea Dog spies a lone woman aboard a sailing ship in the Caribbean he knows he has finally succeeded.
With danger surrounding them from both the sea and his enemy Blue Beard, will Sea Dog be able to protect Kati from both the elements and Blue Beard’s sword, or will this old Sea Dog find his blood mate only to lose her forever to a pirate who gives no mercy?

Door 4. White Buffalo MC: Book 2, Dark Horse’s story.

The Heart’s Dark Hunger

He was named Dark Horse for a reason. Even his mother knew the woman that would be bound to him would have to be special, his white Lilly.

Yep, it’s contest time. Today I’m giving away a 25 dollar gift card to amazon! All you have to do is follow me tree places and share this blog, then post your favorite song below.

Amazon

Facebook

Twitter

Contest will run one week. Good luck.